A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…
PROVERBS 17:22
I’m not really writing things in order but bear with me. I want to be led by the Holy Spirit in what I share and how and at the moment I need to share what happened this weekend. I will get to how and why my marriage relationship deteriorated to the point of almost divorce and where we are now – but hang in there for a bit. 😊
So, a big bugbear of mine when we could go to church was that John wouldn’t come with us. It was me and the children and on very rare occasions, he would join us. Put it this way – if the people at my church weren’t at my wedding, they would probably question if I were married at all… I would ask him repeatedly to come and he would always have an excuse – usually work but often it was just a flat ‘no’ because he simply didn’t want to. He would occasionally attend his own church but that also became rare in recent years.
When churches closed and we switched to being online, I thought he would join – there was no excuse, really. He could sit in his pyjama’s and join the service if he wanted to. And he has done, on a few occasions. Recently though, he has chosen to work whilst the children and I are online. The other week, he was sat at his desk and let out a random laugh during a quiet moment and our mic wasn’t muted… I turned to look at him and he looked up from his phone and mouthed ‘sorry’ – I was so annoyed! Sat there watching videos instead of ‘going’ to church!
Last weekend, he was busying himself tidying whist the service was going on, so he already wasn’t my favourite person… I had gone through the DVD’s the day before and pulled out all his horror movies, asking God how I should approach it. After the service he mentioned putting them away, so I said he needed to think about the spiritual implications of those kinds of movies. He rolled his eyes and huffed:
“What am I supposed to do with them then? Get rid of them?!”
I answered ‘yes.’ He said “no. I’m not doing that” gruffly and stormed off.
I went to the bathroom and sat on the kids’ step and cried out to God – actually cried. I was so fed up. I said I know the word that He gave me but if John didn’t even want to try to change then what was the point? I told God I didn’t want to live like this and I would rather it be just me and the children than live with John and have everything to do with his spiritual life be a battle. I dried my tears and went back to the bedroom.
John came in and asked me about something. I was still annoyed and was short with him, so he asked what was up. I gave the standard answer ‘nothing’ because I was done talking to him. To my surprise, he didn’t retaliate by getting in a mood himself – he just said: “the DVD’s are going” and walked out of the room..!
A few minutes later, he came back to me – he apologised for snapping at me before and reiterated that the DVD’s were going.
In my heart I told the Lord ‘You’re not funny…’ 😊
It seems like every time I tell God I’ve had enough, He says ‘it will be fine – keep going.’
I shared this story with a friend and she said ‘that’s what our God does – He knows the end from the beginning. Just keep trusting.’ Such a good word and a reminder of a Scripture in Jeremiah:
For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
JEREMIAH 29:11
Thank God He does ‘know the end from the beginning’ – He knows how all of this is going to turn out even when we can’t see it. And the best part?
Then shall ye call upon Me, and ye shall go and pray unto Me, and I will hearken unto you.
JEREMIAH 29:12
That’s exactly what happened on Sunday – I called on God and He heard me. He let me know in a simple softening of John’s heart; in the two of us being at peace and not at war with each other – He let me know that He hears me when I call on Him and that He hasn’t left me. This may be a tough season, but it is a season and therefore, it won’t last forever.
Be encouraged, my friend – God hears you. Call on Him today. God is not only listening, but He will wrap His loving arms around You and answer you.
Love and blessings always
Ana x
Steadfast Love 